


The Girl Running

by writesaboutbands



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Depression, F/M, Fluff, London, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Oblivious!Calum, Road Trips, Sad, Self-Harm, a giant mess, ash n oc are best buds, luke!luke, maybe that sad, not a cringey het fic hopefully, not actual puke, not that sad???, p unrealistic but still fun, puke, road trip au, sad!Ashton, sad!Michael, situational comedy, srs, the band is also there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2017-12-30 07:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1015881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writesaboutbands/pseuds/writesaboutbands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronnie is on a solo trip around Australia. Ashton is Australian. They meet.<br/>Or: Ashton is kinda sad and Ronnie is kinda there and he kinda needed to go to Sydney anyways<br/>Or: Drama and lonely people and the Great Outdoors and endless playlists</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the prologue, kind of a get-to-know-Ronnie type of chapter. I submitted this as my final project for a creative writing class in high school and now I've decided to continue it (it'll be in third person after this) and make it a lil fanfic. You really don't even have to read this part.

Here I am, fresh out of high school, about to travel half way across the world by myself. My first plane experience has been fine so far, I’d probably be freaking out a bit more if I had someone to freak to. I got a window seat and on my other side a young man is sleeping. I kind of wish he was awake because he is really cute and maybe he would talk to me because of the close quarters. He’ll just have to be another One That Got Away.

_TIP #165: Don’t let cute boys catch you staring at them. Especially if that cute boy will be sitting next to you for another 8 hours._

I can conclude that plane rides are boring; I’ve spent most of it making driving playlists for when I’m grounded again and watching movies that weren’t worth watching. At first, I tried to play the cloud shape game but from this altitude the clouds just look like clouds.

I can’t sleep. How you could ever sleep with strangers making noise all around you is beyond me. Not to mention the fact that the sun was shining and I can’t sleep unless I’m in complete darkness. Darkness, you know, the absence of light. I really appreciate the darkness, without it I’d never be able to see the stars or the glow in the dark moon blue-tacked to the ceiling in my bedroom.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
 ** _A few hours and many games of Solitaire later_**

I have landed! Touchdown on the 49! I don’t know why I use football terms to describe things, I don’t even watch football but I’ve heard my dad say things like that so many times so I’m sticking with it. We are in Australia at last; it only took about 3 days. I am now a professional at navigating airports; I’ve been in a total of 2 airports so far in my life. I’ll keep a tally of how many airports I visit on this trip.

_Airports so far: 2_

The car I rented (using my parents money, more on that later) is at Gate A and I’m at Gate 4 so I guess I’ll keep walking until I magically stumble upon my destination. I’ll be fine; there are not that many people here anyways. Adelaide International is the busiest airport in Australia, did you know that?

The truth is, my parents didn’t want me to go on this trip. I’d wanted to work abroad for the year because I didn’t apply for college in the fall but they didn’t think that was a good idea. They said I could stay for 2 weeks and then I had to fly back home and be a capital A Adult. I didn’t have a lot of money so I’m staying at a friend’s house for most of my time here, aren’t I glad for international friends? I had to beg and cry and roll around on the floor but my parents eventually forked over a bit of cash to fund this whole thing. I’ve got $1500 which includes everything I had saved up, well, minus the $10 I spent on the iPod adapter for my car. That was necessary.

After wandering for a short 15 minutes I’ve managed to find the terminal where I will pick up my sweet ride, a 1998 Chevvy. Immediately after getting handed the keys and signing over my life I’m sitting in the car with Norgaard by The Vaccines blasting as I sing along. I don’t know why I chose this song to start my road adventure but it seems fitting.

_TIP #166: Wait until you are out of the car park before scream-singing along to the radio in the car you just got. The dealer may reconsider actually trusting you with the vehicle._

On the road again! Driving alone may get lonely for some people but I like it, mostly because I can play whatever music I want and I don’t have to worry about the passengers not liking it. Because there aren’t any passengers! Freedom! I think it just hit me that I’ll be alone for 2 whole days before I get to my friend Holly’s house. I’ve always been fairly good with directions so I’m not concerned about getting lost but I don’t think I’ve ever truly been alone before. I like it. A lot. I know I’ll have to stop at some point tonight because I am unfortunately a weak human and I need sleep, especially when I’m jet-lagged. I mean I’ve never been jet-lagged before but a lot of Boys In Bands tweet about jet lag with a bunch of sad faces so I’m guessing it’s not pleasant. So, I’ll come in contact with a few humans before getting to Holly’s but let’s just say I’m on my own.

The playlist I made during the flight is turning out to be really good, I included a lot of Imagine Dragons because they are my most recent obsession and their music just feels like summer. You can’t say that certain songs and/or bands don’t fit some seasons better than others. It’s all in my head, I know, but I just can’t listen to We The Kings’ Sunshine State Of Mind album in the winter and don’t even ask me to listen to Joshua Hyslop between April and October. I can include as many songs by Imagine Dragons as I want in this playlist and nobody can stop me.

_TIP #167 Talking to yourself is completely acceptable._

It has gotten pretty dark, I’m typically a night owl but I am going to pull over into the next parking lot I see and just sleep in the backseat of my car. It can’t be that bad, people sleep in cars all the time, don’t they? I need to save my money for Sydney where the real fun starts; I don’t wanna waste it on something stupid like a hotel room. I’m also in the middle of nowhere, the last town I passed was Mount Barker and the next town is really far away. Why didn’t I just fly straight into Sydney and save myself the driving? I wanted to cross Go On A Road Trip off of my Bucket List. Fly into Adelaide, drive to Sydney, stay in Sydney for a week and then drive to Brisbane, stay a few days and then fly home.

_TIP #169 Do not sleep in the back seat of a car. It is not worth the $70 you’ll save on a hotel room._ _  
_

_\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**_In the AM_ **

Ouch. Everything hurts.

This morning I’m going to try and find a proper city and get some food, I stopped at a gas station and got a few snacks –as well as plenty of really expensive freaking gas- last night in Adelaide but I really want some eggs or something, you know, breakfast food. Not Skittles. I saw a sign a while back that said to turn off at the next exit and I’m coming up to that now. I can see actual buildings so that’s a good sign. I think this town is called Pinaroo which is an interesting name. I read a book once about Australia and their funny names were mentioned many times. I also read that there was a lot of open space along the highway which is true. Not many cities, not even a lot of tumbleweeds.

I’m driving down the “main road” in Pinaroo now which has consisted so far of a gas station and a coffee shop. The coffee shop better have some damn good scones if that’s the only food you can get in this town. The sign on the front looks welcoming so I’m hoping for the best. I could eat anything right now.

The bell chimes when I walk in which is cute. I never really got into the café scene so this might actually be my first time in a legitimate café unless you count Tim Hortons but nobody counts Tim Hortons. There’s a selection of sandwiches on the menu here so I’m going to have one of those but what does one order at a café?

“Excuse me; can I take your order?” The nice lady working the front says to me. Upon first seeing someone I will either describe them as nice or sweet. I don’t know a lot of other describing words, how much can you really conclude about a person upon first sight? Not like I can say “the lady at the counter was easily jealous and probably recently single,” all I can say is that she looked nice.

“Um, yeah can I have a BLT sandwich and coffee?” Hopefully that is good enough.

It’s not, “What would you like in your coffee?” the woman asks.

I don’t know what I want in my coffee, I panic and spit out, “The regular stuff, please.”

I’m not sure how I’ve survived 18 years of being alive if I can’t even order coffee. Why did I even choose coffee, because I thought I would look weird if I didn’t? I successfully made myself look like a weirdo whilst ordering coffee so I might have been better off buying a bottle of orange juice or something. But it’s already 4pm and most people drink orange juice with breakfast so I really have no idea what I should have ordered.

When my drink is ready I take it to a table far away from the lady working so maybe she’ll think I left.

_TIP #170 Don’t order coffee and then spit out your first sip. The nice woman that made it for you will look hurt/confused/annoyed. She can still see you, even though you tried to hide._

In my defense, I didn’t know that I hated coffee. I had never even tried coffee before so I thought it would be the safest bet at a coffee shop. Everyone raves about coffee; I was expecting some drink that tasted like angels and unicorns. I didn’t do a full-on comedy spit-take but I did spit out the coffee and it’ll probably stain my t-shirt. The sandwich was good and I made sure to mention that to the woman that made it as I ran out of the shop. That situation is definitely going on my Embarrassing Things I’ve Done list, alternatively titled Why I Don’t Have A Boyfriend. No more coffee for me.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
 ** _A Few Minutes Later_**

I’m on the road, again, and I swear I haven’t seen a pit stop in ages. I have to pee. I have to pee really badly.

It’s been 3 minutes and I still have to pee but I can see a building coming up, let’s hope it’s a gas station. I could use some food too; I just ate my last Kit Kat. We are getting closer, closer, closer…and it’s a house. I’m not going to a random house and asking to use their bathroom, I can wait.

So I’m pulling into the driveway of the lone house because apparently I can’t wait. My car took me here. I’ll just knock on the door, be casual and then get back out. It’ll be alright.

An older woman with her grey hair pulled back into a ponytail answered the door and looked excited to see me, maybe she’s senile and thinks she knows me. Maybe she thinks I’m her long lost granddaughter!

I should probably introduce myself, “Hi, I’ve been driving for a really long time and I’m from Canada and I’m going to pee my pants unless you let my use your bathroom please!” Definitely not the best way I could have said that.

The old lady just smiles and replies softly, “You drove all the way from Canada? That is really far! Of course you can use my bathroom, it is down that hall.” She pointed behind her and I started walking.

While in the bathroom it occurred to me that she could be a murderer. She thought I drove all the way from Canada? Why did I even say that I was from Canada, is it some sort of pride thing? Does she think I could have driven from Canada to Australia? Do I hear noises outside the bathroom door? Oh God, she’s sharpening her axe so she can cut my head off. I should have just peed my pants. I open the bathroom door after doing my business and start walking towards the front door when I’m stopped by the old woman – sans axe - and she’s got a plate of cookies in her hand.

“One for the road,” she says.

I take one and say thank you before jogging to my car in an escape. I guess the cookie could be poisoned but I’m hungry so I eat it anyways as I reverse out of the driveway.

_TIP #171 Don’t eat and drive._

_TIP #172 Do not go into a random stranger’s house in a foreign country._

_TIP #173 Do not go into a random stranger’s house in your home country._

_TIP #174 If you do go into the house, don’t take anything from them, including and especially food that is home made._

I mean, I am still alive and I ate the cookie, but don’t follow my lead. Not everyone can have the best of both worlds.

Onward I go, through the stars, straight on ‘til morning! Well, I’ll be stopping as soon as I find a hotel to sleep in tonight. Signs on this road are getting more frequent and one advertising a hotel in 1km away seems promising.

I got to the hotel and I’m pulling around the back to park my awesome car, don’t want anyone to steal it. Well, I’m mostly parking here because I’m not sure how well my legs will work after not being in use for most of the day and if I’m going to fall over I’d rather do it in private. The hotel looks nice enough, no broken windows or graffiti on the walls and that’s great as far as my standards go.

Walking into the hotel, the first thing I notice is that it smells like food. I can’t pinpoint what food, but I’m getting a food vibe. There is a man working at the front desk who looks friendly enough, most Australians I’ve met look friendly enough, they’re a lot like Canadians in that sense. Their country tends to get ignored and generalized even though it is literally huge, just like Canada except maybe there’s more reason to dismiss Australia; it is so far away from everything. They also love sarcasm, when I asked if I could get a room the nice man in charge, Ashton, said, “The rooms are not for sale, but we can let you sleep in one of them for a small fee. It’s very convenient.”

I wanted to kiss Ashton, because of his sarcasm and positive attitude towards a seemingly crappy job and because he was really good looking and maybe around my age and he had an Australian accent. Actually, everyone here had an Australian accent, yet each time I encountered someone and actually spoke words to them I was surprised. I’m the one with the weird voice, not them.

_Tip #175 Flirt with the adorable Australian boy. If it doesn’t go well, you’ll probably never see him again so it doesn’t matter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets better after this!!!!!


	2. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She runs into Ashton, again. Things happen.

Ronnie was unsuspecting, and that’s why Ashton caught her off guard. She never planned to meet anyone whilst in Australia – things like that don’t cross her mind. Ever. Sure, she’s dreamed of a fantastic love story kind of life where she meets the perfect guy by chance and falls into a whirlwind of happiness but that doesn’t happen. 

He was working in a little café on the main floor of the motel she was staying in, in a small town she just happened to pass through on her way to Sydney. She looked up as he asked for her order and she was stunned. She stumbled out a string of words that could possibly form a menu item, blushing. “Will that be all?” the boy prompted.

“Yeah, and um, do you have wifi?”

“We do, password is written on the board above my head,” he giggles. Ashton encounters many pretty girls during his shifts, but this one seems different. First, she’s clearly not an Aussie. That’s intriguing right off the bat. And she had already talked to him today, before he pointed her in the direction of someone who could actually reserve her a room. He didn’t know how long she was staying, but he hoped long enough to have to see him again.

Ronnie sits down at a table in the far corner, like she usually does and logs on to the wifi to hopefully catch up on some music news as she’s been offline for over 3 days now. A lot of bands could break up in that period, and she needs to know what’s happening. It turns out she ordered something hot with whipped cream on top, and taking a sip she knows it’s hot chocolate. Autopilot didn’t let her down this time. 

Every so often she sneaks a glance at the boy working, he seems to never stop smiling. Those dimples could be filled with mashed potatoes, and she finds herself wondering if he has ever attempted that. She’ll blame being an active member of multiple fandoms for the strange thoughts she has. The internet does weird things to people.

Ashton has a break, which he would typically spend in the back room of the café, scrolling through Twitter and having lunch, but he feels gutsy so he walks over to where the foreign girl is sat, “mind if I join you?”

“No, it’s no problem.” She says, pulling out one of her headphones so as to not appear rude to this boy, “on break then?”

“Yeah, I get half an hour, though with nobody here and my manager on vacation I could take as long as I wanted,” and Ronnie laughs. This is such a cliché, the two teenagers meet in the coffee shop that isn’t busy so they have time to talk to each other. How is this really happening? Did she enter a parallel universe when she flew across the seas?

“Where are you from? I can hear North America but I can’t place it.” Ashton questions, curious. He’s part American so he’s always been interested in the country and itches to go there himself.

“Uh, Canada actually. Near the only city people recognise – Toronto. Ever been there?”

“Really! Canada! That’s far. I’ve never left our little island. Always wanted to though. Do you travel much? What brings you to the most dangerous continent?”

“I’ve been around Ontario lots, but I just recently got my passport and finished high school. Instead of spending my savings on tuition I went against my parents’ wishes and bought a plane ticket here. I’m kind of broke and kind of alone – don’t tell any kid snatchers, please – and headed to the big city to meet a friend. We met online but she’s graciously agreed to house me for a while. Sorry, that was a lot.”

“That’s amazing! Where did you get in? What have you seen so far?” he asks, excitement in his voice, “I’m nosy, soz.”

“It’s fine, I haven’t had much human interaction these past few days, I was afraid my vocal chords would get dusty or something! I got in 3 days ago, I think and I’ve seen very few things. Mostly just small towns, I flew into Adelaide and will fly back home from Brisbane.” The drinks have been finished now, and both of Ronnie’s headphones have been placed on the table. 

Ashton is fascinated by this girl, she’s so worldly and brave and beautiful and everything he hoped would exist somewhere. “Do you work often, like, are you still in school? I have a problem assuming everyone did the same as me and skipped out on that whole thing.”

“Well I’m 19 and I work here a bit, I’m also trying to do music. I’m supposed to head off to Sydney to meet about being a drummer for this band that, well, needs a drummer. If that goes through, I don’t know what I’ll do. Move to Sydney or summat.” Truth be told, Ashton is terrified of this meeting. Is it even a meeting, the boys are his age and have just as much experience. It’s nerve-wracking because they all went to school together and he doesn’t want to be the outsider. He has never been that before. He lives in a small town and has for as long as he can remember, everyone knows his smile. Sydney is a big city.

Talking to Ronnie calms him down, she’s just up and flew across the world on a whim, on her own. If she can do that straight out of high school, he can grow some balls and plays drums in a stranger’s garage to possibly become part of a real band.

“So we’re headed in the same direction, eh? When are you going? I’m hopefully going to continue driving later today unless I feel extremely tired. Or a local thinks he can show me the sights and sounds of this town that I haven’t even bothered to find out the name of.”

“To be honest this town doesn’t have much, and I’m leaving tomorrow. So, that’s a coincidence. And I can’t believe you actually just said ‘eh’ in conversation. Brilliant,” Ashton says, laughing. Always laughing. “Well most people take it out of context when making fun of Canadians! It’s just a slang like you’d say ‘atta boy’ or I don’t know, something. Do you have any suggestions of food around here? I’m starving and refuse to go another day on Skittles.”

“Well it’s,” Ashton turns to view the big clock on the wall, “5 in the evening, and that means I’m off work now and the only place around here that worth eating at is my house. I know what you’re thinking, and no, I’m not going to kidnap you; my mom is just a great cook. And I live at home so about now there will be a selection waiting for me in the kitchen. You’ve probably not had a home-cooked meal in ages, you’re welcome at mine. We could get to know each other.” For some reason, this doesn’t come off as a move, he genuinely sounds like he’d love to have Ronnie over for dinner after just meeting her. How odd, most people run the other way. But she is in an all new place and is dying for a taste of home. So she agrees, packs up her things and follows Ashton out into the street.

“My house isn’t too far, it really is a small town. Are you from a big city?”

“No, well. Not exactly. Big compared to this, but I never pictured it as a mecca for adventure, it’s by no means a destination. It’s a city, but it’s a series of towns under one name. Does that make sense? It has the feel of a smaller place, but we do have a population of over half a million. Yeah.”

“That’s really confusing, but I’ll accept it.” Ronnie just laughs. Ashton thinks maybe he’d like to make her laugh again. And again. And again, forever. She’s cute when she laughs. Cute enough to make him forget about everything else that normally weighs down on him, cute enough to make it all seem lighter.

See, Ashton suffers from depression sometimes. Sometimes being most times. He’s never gotten checked out by a doctor or anything, so he can’t really be sure, but he just knows, you know? There was a period of time when every smile on his face was fake, and one day he was caught off guard, he didn’t know why his smile was always fake. He knew it was normal to fake a smile for the sake of other people, in certain situations, but why wasn’t his smile genuine when genuinely positive things were happening in his life? Faking a smile to customers at work was necessary. Faking a smile at one of his mom’s bad jokes was second nature. Faking a smile around his friends? That didn’t used to happen. He didn’t know what changed or when but all of a sudden the realization hit him like a runaway train and he knew. He knew there was something wrong there. He never intended to put on a false front, he never decided to pretend to be happy-go-lucky yet there he was, surrounded by people that had no idea how he actually felt. He was taught to tell the truth. Lies slipped through his teeth so frequently, with finesse. He was taught to tell the truth, he was better at lying. 

He bounces out of his mind to see Ronnie waving a hand in front of his face, “Ash? Did I lose you for a few minutes there?”

“Ye-yeah. Sorry. Fell into my thoughts,” he assesses his surroundings: they are walking up his front drive, “here’s my house!” Ronnie doesn’t think she knows this boy well enough to ask what he was thinking about though she can tell there’s more to him than that smile lets on.

When Ronnie walks into the house behind Ashton, she is immediately floored by how good it smells. Her parents can cook when they want to, and this smells like home. In the kitchen they find roasted potatoes and carrots on the stove, and chicken kebabs on the counter with tin foil keeping them warm. It’s nothing too fancy, a typical Sunday dinner at her house, but her mouth is watering nonetheless.

“I hope you like all this, if not I could make you, uh, well I’m no good at cooking but I could order a pizza. Or pour you a bowl of cereal,” Ashton says nervously, opening a cupboard to grab a couple of plates.

“It’s great! You have no idea how much I am looking forward to eating all of this.”

“Okay! Cool! I’ll fill the plates and you can go sit in the living room, it’s right down that hall. Don’t worry, nobody else will be in there.” Ronnie is relieved, she doesn’t think she’d be able to handle having to introduce herself to his family, what is she to him? A random stranger he picked up off the street and offered to feed? That’s complicated.

After sitting down on a rather plush sofa, Ronnie hears Ashton, “do you want a drink? We have milk, strawberry milk, OJ…”

“Do you have water?”

“No. Did you not hear? Australia’s rivers are filled with cream soda. That’s what runs through our taps. Of course we have water, you silly girl. Ice?”

“No, thanks.” Ronnie answers, embarrassed. Sometimes she wonders how exactly she missed out on the common sense gene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It's been a bit but I struggled with whether or not I wanted this to have chapters or not but ultimately decided upon chapters. Lemme know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah I bet you thought I forgot about this (I did) but I'm back!!!!!

Sitting in such a new place is very surreal for Ronnie. No matter which way she looks at it, none of this can be considered a common occurrence. That doesn’t mean she isn’t enjoying every minute of it, because she is. She just never pictured her life being an interesting story to tell. 

After they ate, Ashton and Ronnie watched some Australian TV, a brilliant thing as it suited Ronnie’s sense of humor perfectly. She almost didn’t believe the stuff shown could be allowed on TV, but it was. She never wanted to leave Australia, this city, Ashton’s house, or this couch. It was all amazing. 

“It’s getting late, did you want me to drive you back to the hotel?” Ashton asked during a commercial break.

“Only if I can pick the music,” Ronnie replied, trying to sound like she wasn’t being completely serious, “I always pick the music.”

“For some reason, I’m going to let you. You seem like the kind of girl that could teach me a thing or two. C’mon, I’ll put the dishes away later.”

“I could never let you do that, maybe it’s just Canadian manners but I must put my dishes away, and possibly straighten up the pillows on the couch,” she laughs, again completely serious. She wasn’t raised to be a poor guest. She gathers up the bowls and fluffs the pillows as Ashton stares at her in shock. 

 

In the car, Ronnie connects her iPod to Ashton’s stereo and scrolls through her library for ages before deciding to set the mood with Greg Laswell. In her head she mentally adds the song to her “Aussie Nights” playlist so she can always remember this moment. Music always helps, if she can find the exact song she was listening to when an event occurred, it adds so much more meaning to the song and almost works like background music to her life. For example, she can remember the first time she heard the band All Time Low – sitting in her kitchen taking music recs from a friend and downloading them via Limewire. 

 

“I really like this song – good driving music,” Ashton says, just now starting the car.

“Me too.”

The ride is short, as expected and then comes the goodbye. Neither person knows exactly how to end this meeting and in a short moment out of character Ronnie speaks up, “do you think I could get a tea from the café at this hour? It’s probably closed but you do work there..”

“I see! You’re only using me for the hot drinks!” Ashton says dramatically.

“Yeah, but you’re only using me for, well, I actually have no idea why you’d want to hang out with me. Care to elaborate?”

“Well, there aren’t a lot of girls in this town and you’re so exotic. And you’re funny and I don’t know?”

“Good enough for me. Now use your barista powers to get me a tea. Please. And thank you.”

“Of course, will do. Do you wanna tell me your room number, I can bring it up and maybe sneak a few extra tea bags so you’ll be well stocked.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me? You don’t want me coming back into the shop and distracting you tomorrow morning with my exotic charm?” Ronnie teases, but having Ashton in her room could lead to some weird circumstances. She decided to go for it anyway, “I think it’s room 14 but if not, just knock on all the doors until you find me!”

Ronnie finds her room and almost immediately changes into her pyjamas. First she uses the bathroom, because she has never been able to figure out how to go about doing that at someone else’s house. Her pyjamas are one of her favourites, but now that she knows Ashton will see them, she is self-concious. She has no time to reconsider her outfit choice because a moment later, there’s a knock on her door.

“Who is it?” She sing-songs.

“Room service!” She hears, along with a chuckle from behind the door. She opens it to a blushing Ashton with his arms full of mugs and tea and possibly a kettle. He really went all out.

“I ran all the way here! Security is tight around here, didn’t wanna get caught! Let me in before they see!” He says frantically, laughing the whole time, words laced with sarcasm. Ashton really is a character, Ronnie notes as he pushes his way into the small hotel room. Well, motel. Ronnie doesn’t really understand the difference nor does she care to find out.

“So, when are you going to leave?” Ashton blurts after he’s brewed the tea and is carrying it over to where Ronnie is sat on the chair by the window.

“Tomorrow afternoon so I can get to the next city before it gets too dark. I’ve already slept in my car once. Would not recommend.”

“I bet. Stop me if I sound stupid or if I cross a line but would you mind if I followed you there? To Sydney? I’d rather have someone around so I don’t get lost, or scared. You’re brave for going it alone.” Ashton asks carefully, trying not to sound creepy.

“Like, drive behind me? Do you have a car? If you can prove you’re not some psycho killer that preys on the tourists that pass through your town, I wouldn’t mind you riding shotgun. With your hair undone. In the front seat of my car.”

“Did you just use Taylor Swift lyrics to convince me to join you on your road trip?”

“Yes?”

“Well then it’s settled. I’ll dig out my police check and we’ll be on our way.” Ashton is laughing again. Always laughing. But Ronnie is serious, and she thinks Ashton is too. It’s sudden, and it’s probably something her parents wouldn’t approve of but they’re across the ocean right now, so she chooses to trust this boy.

“We’re running away together, aren’t we? I’m an obvious runaway, my accent tells people that I don’t belong here. But my heart is telling me that I do. You, you might just look like you’re on a day trip. What are you running away from?” Ronnie doesn’t mean it, but by the way Ash gets quiet and lets his smile falter for a second, she guesses there’s something more pulling him to Sydney.

“I’m not running away, I’m running towards something. Do you want me to take your mug back to the café, I can bring you a new one and possibly have it filled with hot liquid tomorrow morning when I get back. I start at 9.”

“What time is it now? Shouldn’t you be getting home?”

“Almost 1, my family doesn’t care though. They’re used to never seeing me.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of sleep, you need that. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok? If you don’t change your mind.” Ronnie whispers the last part, willing it to not come true. Half-assed promises are the bane of her existence. 

“Good night, have a pleasant sleep! I will be knocking at your door sometime, maybe with a homemade croissant, maybe not. Probably though,” Ashton says as he walks into the hallway.

“Drive safely and also make good choices!” Ronnie whisper-shouts as she closes the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the fluffiest piece of shit i've ever written i don't know what happened i'm in a weird mood


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really look over this so I apologize if there are any errors! Also, I did a bit of research to make the driving timeline a bit realistic so. Did you think I'd ever update? I didn't.

Ronnie wakes up more comfortable than the previous few nights and excited for the day. Almost on cue, there’s a knock on her hotel room door and behind it stands a tired looking Ashton holding two mugs and a scone, wrapped in napkins. 

“M’lady,” he says, letting himself in.  
“Monsieur,” she replies, hoping her years of French classes won’t fail her now. Also hoping her dishevelled hair and twisted pant legs aren’t a turn-off.  
“I have to get to work like, now, so I can’t stay to talk. Sorry, I have break at like noon though, if you fancy coming back to the café, maybe talking details? I get off work at 3, so. Also, good morning, sunshine!”  
“Yes, morning, OK, thanks!” and with that she grabs the mug and the scone, letting Ashton hurry off to his job.

After devouring breakfast and waking up with a cold-ish shower, Ronnie decides to pack up the few things she got around to taking out of her suitcase (jeans, toothbrush, good headphones) and dragging it back to her car. It was only 11:30 but she figured a little time in the café spent catching up on life back home, and triple-checking her maps would be nice. Ashton grinned as soon as her saw her approaching the entryway, and called out, “hey! Nice day, innit? Perfect for driving. Do you want anything? It’s almost lunch,” despite the fact that he had other customers to attend to. They didn’t look pleased, Ronnie just gave him a thumbs up and went to the corner table again, hoping the line would die down eventually. 

During his break Ashton brought over sandwiches and drinks for the both of them, outstandingly chipper for someone who had to deal with angry old ladies most of the day.

“This is really gonna happen, right?”  
“Well, yeah. I hate to admit it, because I argued with my parents for ages about this, but I really did get kinda lonely on the road after a while. You still in?”  
“Yes! My parents assumed I was driving with someone anyway so I just left a note, packed my bags, and was off like nothing. I’m really looking forward to this!”

Ronnie was too, even if she didn’t say it. She’d checked out Ashton on Facebook earlier and he seemed pretty popular – like he was everyone’s friend. If you asked Ashton, it was more of a “nobody hates me because nobody really knows me” type of deal, but still. He didn’t have any enemies but he also didn’t have any good friends. That’s part of the reason he thought this band would be cool, it’s like 3 new friends for the price of one.

After his shift, Ashton walked to Ronnie’s car (she felt like having a minute more of sitting alone in there blasting music) with all of his baggage (figuratively and literally) and hopped in.

“Okay, so it’s gonna take a while. You know this, yeah? You can drive? I’m pretty good at staying awake but my parents would murder me if they thought I was tired enough for it to be dangerous, driving. We only get gas when necessary, and if the last stretch was anything to go by, it’ll be ages between stations anyway. Lastly, I like peanut butter candies so I expect you to be in charge of finding the best native ones every time we stop. Thank you and good-night.”

And then they hit the road, simple as that. It starts off with The Cab, then Ashton suggests some Blink 182, and Ronnie could never say no. As sunset comes, it switches to a Charlie Simpson mood, and both of them are feeling some strange, happy, other-worldly feeling. They’ve talked about everything from car games they played as kids to which band puts on the best light show. As they get to talking, Ronnie realizes she wants this car journey to last. She’d planned to take the shortest route to Sydney, but now that she had time to look around the country, she wanted to experience as much as she could.

“Ashton, have to ever been to Melbourne?”  
“Can’t say I have, why?”  
“Well, it adds time to our trip, but like, what if we drove there? I don’t know about you, but I’m digging this driving thing, and right now I don’t feel like quitting?” Ronnie says, unsure if it was the right thing. What’s a road trip if there are no eventful stops? Why miss out on the majority of the country?  
“Well, I don’t have to be in Sydney technically for a couple days, so I could..” Ashton starts, pensive, “and if we’re going to go for it, we may as well hit up Canberra on the way too. Wouldn’t that be sick? Proper road trip.”  
“Thank goodness you didn’t totally shut me down, I was afraid I’d sound like too attached or something. We’re friends now, can I call us that? I’m a million miles from home, I might as well get as much bang for my buck as possible!” Ronnie says, and it’s unreal, the way things are working out. She guesses that’s what happens when two wanderlustful teenagers with a car haven’t got any responsibilities.

“We’ll have to rearrange our directions, but this could work. It adds some time to the trip, but it also means a lot less empty roads, I think,” and then she stops for a second to take in this moment. A ‘proper road trip’ Ashton called it, and that was exactly what she was looking for.  
“Do you mind punching those places into the GPS, I gotta work on a brand new playlist for our adventure,” she says, making Ashton laugh.  
“Will it include any Brand New?” Ashton then says, joking.  
“Now that I think of it,” Ronnie says, looking up from her iPod, “I’m glad I found somebody like you out in the middle of nowhere, it’s like it was destiny. If I believed in that crap. Cute boy my age with similar music taste also heading to Sydney? That stuff doesn’t happen.”  
“Maybe I was singing to the heavens, ‘pretty girl, come find me, come find me – without you I’ll be lost’ before you happened to walk into my café.”  
“Singing, ‘come find me I’m a lost boy, without you I’m a lost boy’ or something cheesy. Hey – those sound like lyrics. If you get to that band thing, you better use those and fully credit me on your #1 album.”  
“You betcha. I’ll have to pay you royalties, and then the band will think, ‘wait, why did we pick this guy? It’s that spunky girl we need’ and I’ll be out of a job once again.”

Somewhere between Ashton’s small town and Melbourne (about 5 hours), Ronnie had gotten attached. Maybe that’s why she suggested the detour in the first place, she didn’t wanna let Ash go yet. When they arrived, it was late so it went without saying that they’d get a cheap-ass motel and explore the next day. They had all the time in the world (or maybe just a little over 2 days). The stars were beautiful, and for a moment Ronnie let herself miss home. Not that she’d be doing anything extraordinary if she were there, she’d probably be, well, actually with the time difference she’d be waking up? Maybe? Either way, she missed home like she missed high school: the good memories were rare, but somehow those seemed to be heightened now that they weren’t any more to make. Home wasn’t spectacular, but it was home. You can’t lose that feeling.

The motel was dingy and Ashton chipped in a bit extra so they could get two beds, but Ronnie spent a lot of their stay sitting by the window. The stars littered the entire sky, almost like they were in the middle of nowhere, and like everything else that happened thus far on the trip – they seemed surreal. She ate the dinner Ashton kindly picked up from the nearest cheap fast food place while still on the floor. She listened to Hellogoodbye to fulfil her nostalgic thoughts and the night was perfect.

The next morning they both picked a few spots that seemed interesting enough, and cheap. In the morning they walked around the Royal Botanic Gardens, and got lunch around there, before asking a local what they should see next – they only had the afternoon. They decided upon driving to Brighton beach and taking it all in, before packing it all in. It was wonderful. They ate good food, talked to locals, avoided locals, and got to enjoy the fresh air instead of touring some museum or gallery. Ronnie always preferred natural sights to shopping etc. and Ashton seemed to go along with it just fine.

It was already past sunset when they started their longish drive to Canberra, so they stocked up on some snacks and had a plan B rest stop if they got too tired. 

“Today was awesome, don’t ya think?” Ashton said as he took the wheel after a gas run.  
“It really was, I’m so glad we accidentally picked some stunning spots. And they were free, bonus!”  
“My favourite type of things, always.”  
“You’re really good company, I’d say. Ace for road trips.”

Maybe Ronnie and Ashton’s glances had been lingering a little bit longer as the days wore on, maybe their hands brushed sometimes, maybe they both loved it. 

Ashton was feeling really happy, like how he is at a concert, but it’s lasted longer. Ronnie is so funny and she always has a good song playing, and she doesn’t always need him to say something. They could enjoy the beach in silence, drive together with the occasional comment, and the past didn’t matter.

Canberra was also beautiful at night, when they arrived past midnight. Except this time, they had a tiny balcony, and a tiny stereo, so it wasn’t just Ronnie feeling limitless. Ashton was right there, too. Insisting they listen to Jack Johnson even though Ronnie argued that his music was morning music.

“Actually, why don’t you play something for me? You play drums, yeah, but you brought a guitar. Any original songs that I can hear?”

Ashton gets shy then, not wanting to decline but also scared to play, “Uh, there’s one. It doesn’t have a name and it’s not finished,” he says before playing.

A few months later it would have a name, and be on the debut EP of the band Ashton would be invited to join. If you asked Ronnie that night, she wouldn’t have doubted any of those things would come true. She loved the song.

Canberra in the daylight was also gorgeous, and they decided to do another round of inexpensive tourism. Some more parks, a drive to what had been advertised as the best ice cream (it was pretty good) and Lake Burley Griffin. 

Ronnie felt like she finally had a real friend. Companion. She’d always felt like an outsider, even though she’d lived in the same city and gone to school with the same people for the majority of her life. Who knew that across the world there was a place that would accept her and her apparently strange ways? 

Bullying was something everyone had experienced, but Ronnie had it kind of bad. Not the kind of ‘whole school against you’ way, but worse. Well, Ronnie thought it was worse. It was her friends that were somewhat cruel to her. Maybe she was running away. Judging by how this summer was going, she wouldn’t mind setting up camp here forever. Or continuing to travel until she’d seen everything. Staying in one place for too long meant having to make new friends, take on responsibilities, and choosing another hobby. Gross.

After Canberra it was a short drive to Sydney, where the two would have to part. As much as Ronnie was looking forward to seeing her friend and continuing with their plans, she was going to miss Ashton. His perpetual grinning, his love of all music, his tapping – on EVERYTHING. 

Their last night together, things get more personal than ever before. Ashton got out of their motel shower with just a towel hung low on his hips and Ronnie saw. The cuts. She was momentarily distracted by the bare skin and the abs, but she saw. And she had no idea how to respond. Ashton didn’t seem to notice.

Later that night when they were sharing headphones and looking at the sky (again), Ronnie brought up the situation in the only way she knew how: music. She put on Tell Tale Signs by Frank Turner and watched for Ashton’s reaction, hoping something would click.

It worked, for the most part. Since they weren’t talking, Ashton was able to focus on the lyrics and connect to the story being told. He got lost in the song, only realizing he’d closed his eyes after the final note had played. He turned over to Ronnie, who was staring back, expecting, “who was that? It was amazing,” he decided to say.  
After Ronnie told him, he said, “You’re culturing me, I expect you to take my email address and send me all these strange and brilliant songs you’ve brought to me.”  
“Of course, it’s a given! I’ve already started making the playlist,” Ronnie says truthfully.  
“Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?” Ash says as an instrumental track is at a calm point. He sounds unsure.

Ronnie nods, urging him to continue.

“I don’t think I’m as happy as I look. I’m kinda scared.”

And to that, Ronnie can only offer a pat on the knee (she really doesn’t know how to do social situations). She’s been there. She was so much there that she came here to be better. 

“Being scared is OK sometimes. You’re allowed to be scared. Everyone gets scared. I know it’s not the same, but I was terrified to come here. To get on a flight by myself. To be alone, to disappoint my parents. I’m sure whatever’s got you down can be gotten past.”  
“Yeah. I know. I know that I’ll be happy again someday, but it sucks not knowing when. You know? It’s hard. That song, it struck me somewhere. Because that guy is looking back, right? I wanna be able to do that but at the same time I can’t see myself being different.”  
Ronnie assumed, “is that what’s scaring you? The unknown? It’s like, reading the last page of a book and seeing how it’ll end, but not knowing how they got there. You still have to read it.”  
“That’s a really good simile, thanks. You might think you’re bad at talking, but you’re not. You’re fantastic when you don’t even try,” Ashton compliments, placing his hand on his lap, on top of Ronnie’s.  
“I wrote a lot in school, that’s where all the literary devices come in. Ha.”  
“So it’s not just music! Brilliant.”  
“Though music is my main squeeze. Writing leads to music, but it’s the end result that causes the fuss.”  
“Yeah, music is everything. Music is probably the reason I even bother waking up most days. Even the really bad ones.”  
“What were the bad ones like?”  
“Just, I, I get lonely. I start to hate the town I live in and the job I have and the friends I don’t have. And then I start to get angry about the things I can’t even change. Like my face, the way I react to things. The way my brain works. But I can get it to stop sometimes.”  
“How?” Ronnie says, already knowing the answer, but holding on to that last bit of hope that she could be wrong.  
“Have you ever squeezed a stress ball? Or banged your head on a door a few times to smarten up? Or played the drums until your arms are sore and your ears hurt? I do that. If it’s really bad I let myself bleed. Sometimes it’s calming just to see the red, watch it bead and then run down my leg. Sometimes that first cut is like finally exhaling after holding your breath. Sometimes that’s all I need. Other times it’s about the pain. It’s about being able to see and feel pain, instead of just thinking it. That’s when I can go too far, cutting too many times. Uh. I hope that wasn’t too graphic. Sorry.”  
“I used to pick the skin around my fingernails. Or pick my face. Or pull out my leg hairs with tweezers. Whatever made me forget. Nervous habits, angry habits, lonely habits. We’ve all been there.”  
“So, you don’t think cutting is any different?” Ashton says, hoping that he didn’t freak out his new friend.  
“Well, yeah. But at the same time, it’s not really. Is it? I wrote a paper once on ways to cope, and how some are more widely accepted than others, even if they are just as harmful. Everyone says shit like ‘fuck exams I really need some vodka’ and really that’s a form of coping, forgetting your stress, forgetting about your breakup. Whatever. That’s fine. But you’d never hear someone say ‘wow I can’t believe that friend fucked me over, I really need a razor’ and why is that? It’s always seen as problematic. Of course it is! But so is drinking until you pass out! There are so many different ways to hurt yourself as a coping mechanism! I realize cutting is bad. I wish you didn’t do it. I wish nobody did it. I also wish people didn’t smoke until their lungs shriveled up. I wish everyone had healthy and safe habits but we don’t. That’s reality.”  
“I’ve never ever heard someone describe it that way. And you make such a good point. Like, most things have a limit. You can get drunk most weekends, but when you’re drunk during the week it becomes a problem. You can exercise, but if that’s all you do – you need help. For me, there is no ‘moderation’. One cut and I’d be shipped to the nuthouse. That’s not fair.”  
“I’d say as long as you have it under control, it’s your own business. If you aren’t cutting too deep or letting things get infected – or on the verge of letting yourself bleed out, it’s a minor problem. Still a problem, but manageable. I fear this is coming out all wrong and if I were to give this speech to a bunch of high schoolers, I’d sound like I was endorsing it. I’m not! I just, I don’t know.”  
“Yeah. Yeah, I get it. I’m scared of getting to a point where I lose control. When I can’t stop anymore. I understand it’s not entirely normal to be triggered by the word ‘cut’ coming up in conversation. I understand that most people don’t have passing thoughts about if certain objects are sharp enough to break skin.”  
“I agree. I know most people don’t constantly think about kicking a wall, or hitting their elbows off of bedposts. Most people don’t pinch themselves when they’re mad or anxious. Sometimes I just shake. It’s bad.”  
“I’m bad. I know I’m bad – and I think that’s a good part of getting help.”  
“I’ll help. You know that, don’t you? I’ll be here. I’ll always be here. I’ve only known you for a few days but I don’t wanna leave. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend. I can actually talk around you. I don’t feel so self-conscious. Like I’m actually the person I always thought I could be, if only I was around people I could relate to.”

Isn’t that what a friend is? When you find someone that you can hold a conversation with, you know. You don’t need any second dates to figure out if they’re the right fit. You just know.

After that they continued to chat, whether it be about the song that came on shuffle, the few constellations Ronnie knew, or their opinions on certain TV shows, artist collaborations, and seasons. Ronnie pulled out the headphones at one point so she could put her head in Ashton’s lap, keeping her speaker volume low to not wake any neighbours.

The drive to Sydney was short and sweet – bittersweet. As much as they were looking forward to their respective ventures, it would be weird to go on without the other. At breakfast Ashton brought it up.

“So, you’re staying in Sydney for a while now?”  
“About a week or so, yeah.”  
“Will I be able to see you? I don’t know how long I’ll be here. But after this, I don’t think I ever wanna go home.”  
“We have a pretty busy itinerary but I think I could pencil you in. Heck, if you have the money and the free time, you could even join us while we do some crazy tourist stuff!”  
“I’ll get back to you on that. Shall we exchange numbers? You have to go soon,” Ashton suggests.  
“Yeah, I’m supposed to meet my friend in about an hour,” Ronnie answers, passing over her phone while Ashton does the same. He says he’ll call before his audition the next day and they say goodbye. It’s not an emotional one, but they go in for a hug and stay like that a while. It very well could be goodbye forever, but it doesn’t feel that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must stress that although it may seem like I put self-harm in a good light - I STILL THINK IT'S TERRIBLE. Please, if you need help, get it. A lot of that rant was my personal opinions and like Ronnie said, I'm not sure they came out right. It's more about putting other things into a negative light. Ugh. I'll stop.  
> I'm also aware that this story is a bit of a fantasy. I guess it could happen in real life, but it probably wouldn't.  
> my tumblr is heavenwithaheadache.tumblr.com is you ever wanna talk about anything xo


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't very good I'm sorry I just wanted to get on with it

After their departure, Ashton and Ronnie did similar things; they turned up the music and continued on with their day. Ronnie navigated through the big city to her friend’s house where she was met with huge hugs and even bigger smiles followed by excited chatter and a hurried tour of the property. It was all very much how she dreamed meeting Holly would be, and then they fell into familiar banter while working together to make dinner for themselves. The next day was a whirlwind of sightseeing and adventuring and a moment of sheer wonder and terror at how many things can kill you in Australia. For 3 days following that, the two girls continued to live the tourist life with the advantage of Holly being a resident and knowing which things were rip-offs. 

Ashton saw very little of the city besides the few shops and cafes near his motel, as he spent most of his waking hours either working on music or worrying about the audition. When the day finally came and the 3 other boys decided he’d be part of the band he was filled with relief, shock, and happiness. He’d gotten along with the guys so well off the bat and really felt at home there in Sydney. More than anything he craved to share the good news with someone who would care, he wanted to tell Ronnie. 

As soon as they had a spare minute to miss each other, they did. They had so much to catch up on from the short time they’d been apart and that night after Holly fell asleep, Ronnie called Ashton.

“Hey!”

“Hi! How are you? How did it go? Are you still in Sydney? Did you kill it?” Ronnie blurts as soon as he answers.

“Good, good! Yes, yes! I’m in, for real. They’re all super nice and we talk about Green Day all the time and apparently they’ve already been trying to book gigs! This is insane!”

“I knew it! You are brilliant, that’s so awesome for you. They sound like good guys, my kind of people!” Ronnie almost screams as she hears the news, filling with pride.

“What have you been doing, besides everything? Is your friend everything you hoped and more? Did you remember to wear sunscreen?”

“More than everything, I’m not even sure I’ve slept! Holly is probably my favourite person, but I already knew that. It’s just nice to be able to hug her and stuff, you know? And yeah, does Australia ever really get cold? I thought I was coming in winter! It’s unbelievable here.” Ronnie gushes, trying to fit all her experiences into few words.

“I know, I’m loving it too. Incredible.”

“So.. are you gonna stay?” Ronnie asks, the one question she’d really wanted to know the answer to.

“Are you?”

“Well, I can’t. Can I? That didn’t ever seem like a possibility,” she replies, not expecting the question to be flipped.

“I think I will. It makes sense, especially if we’re doing shows. The one guy, Calum, he plays bass, he said I could stay with him. They plan to make enough money to hopefully get a flat one day. We gotta actually do real band stuff first, though.” Ashton says with a tinge of something Ronnie can’t figure out in his voice.

“That’s so cool. Wow. I’m so happy for you! I’ll need to congratulate you in person!”

“What are you guys doing tomorrow?” Ashton asks.

“Holly has school stuff so I was gonna try to write some blog posts or wander by myself, why? What did you have in mind?”

“We need to see each other! If I gave you directions to where I’m staying would you come over? There’s a wicked park a few streets away that you’d love. And I want you to hear this new song I’m working on.” Ashton suggests, twiddling his fingers nervously.

“Sounds fantastic, I need a chill day.”

When they meet up the next day, Ashton plays what would become Unpredictable and they lay in the park telling stories between games of guess the song and throwing grass at each other. 

When Ronnie leaves for Adelaide, this time the goodbye is a bit more watery, more permanent. If she was adding this moment to the playlist (which she was) it would be represented by the song Sad by Bo Burnham. Just because the thought of it made her mood brighten just a little bit.

After a few days staying with Calum, Ashton realized that his new bandmate Michael had also been sleeping on the floor. He’d never been one for subtlety so on the third night he’d asked. 

“Hey, shouldn’t you check in with your parents once in a while? Or do you always just chill at Calum’s?”

“Huh?” Michael replied, turning away from whatever video game the other 3 were playing that day. 

After a moment of silence to go over the question now that he was paying attention he said, “oh, they don’t care.”

This struck Ashton as something that should be addressed – but he didn’t want to overreact. Teenagers are known for making things seem worse than they are.

“Not even if you don’t come home?”

“It’s better here. Obviously you’ve never been to my house but it just sucks. Nobody talks to each other and there’s rarely any food in the cupboards because neither parent can be bothered and I guess I’m old enough to buy my own meals so I can’t really complain. They’re just over it, having a kid and all. Plus, Mali-Koa is pretty cute and I get to see her if I’m here, yeah?” He says, hitting Calum on the arm.

“Gross, bud!” Calum yells, trying to rip the video game controller out of the boy’s hand.

And then a fight breaks out over that and the previous conversation gets lost. Ashton decides he’s looking too far into things. After all, he just met these guys. He doesn’t really know their lives.

And so it goes, Ronnie staring wide-eyed at constant new sights and sounds and Ashton covering his eyes at the sight of one of his band members in their underwear and closing his eyes to concentrate on drumming.

Several days pass and the friends have entered this static silence. They’re busy and far away from each other. Though they spoke about keeping in touch they didn’t know how to go about starting a new conversation, or if they should just continue the one they had going. Ronnie finds the perfect excuse on a Wednesday morning, calling Ashton as soon as she can grab her phone.

“Ashton! Hi, where are you right now? Are you busy?”

“Ronnie? I’m walking back from getting breakfast. Why? What’s up?”

“I need you to get to a computer or WiFi or something right away! Please and thank-you.”

Ashton starts looking around in a panic, “is something wrong?”

“No, everything is so right. Just call me back when you have access to internet/data or whatever! Bye!”

After Ronnie hangs up, Ashton is left confused on a street corner wondering what would be his best bet in this situation. He settles on running back to Calum’s and 10 minutes later, he’s back on the phone, “okay I am in front of a computer. What now?”

“Do you have any iTunes money? Nevermind, forget it. I have your dropbox email, check that in a sec.”

“You’re causing me a lot of stress, you know that?”

“It’ll be worth it, promise. So while we’re waiting, how has your day been?” Ronnie asks, and Ashton can hear a keyboard clicking furiously as she does.. something.

“Fine, yeah. Woke up kinda late so that’s why I just ate breakfast. But the rest of the boys are asleep or at home so there wasn’t the usual morning ruckus. What were you d—“ He’s cut off by Ronnie breathing out heavily.

“Download the song I just added and like put headphones in the computer but keep me on the phone so I can hear your thoughts. And go!”

The boy does as he’s told and finds himself listening to Cannonball by Watsky. 

“Did you love it? You haven’t said anything in a while!” Ronnie shouts excitedly, breaking through the headphones.

“Yeah! I was focusing, gee Ronnie! I actually think that song may have been worth all this messing around, though. That’s some real shit. Wow.”

Ronnie’s breathing goes back to normal as the conversation goes on. After a few minutes, in a lull, Ashton spits out an, “I miss you” to which Ronnie just giggles and says, “well, duh.”

They don’t make promises to see each other soon, because they know. They don’t want to spoil anything and so Ronnie ends the conversation with a few more song recommendations that she’s less intense about and Ash invites her to watch band practice via Skype so she can judge whether or not they’re actually good (they are) (Ronnie was gonna say so anyway but it’s true). 

Seeing the other in their zone inspires them to keep doing what they love. And it’s extremely cute when their faces light up. Ask anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There shouldn't be very many more chapters after this one. I think. Anyway if anyone is still reading this and wants to talk to me heavenwithaheadache.tumblr.com is where I am


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m really scared,” Ashton mumbles.
> 
> Ronnie doesn’t reply, she just grabs his hand in hers and digs her iPod out from her backpack. When they both have headphones in she puts on Paper Chase by The Academy Is… and just lets it sink in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back??? Of course I am! It's the end of the semester and I'm extremely stressed and I have so much work to do, so obviously I went back to this ol' friend.

Like the aspiring music blogger and music enthusiast Ronnie was, of course she had feedback on the band after watching them practice via Skype. The boys took the advice – and Ronnie – in with open arms. After she signed off, it was Luke that spoke up about an admiration for Ashton’s friend. Usually quiet, he became animated discussing how smart and helpful Ronnie was. The band really needed someone like her to get their butts in gear. Ashton just blushed and accepted the praise, agreeing with every word. Of course, he couldn’t escape the questions about what kind of relationship he had with the foreign girl. Michael bluntly asked if Ash was ‘getting it’ to which Ashton blushed and aggressively declined. After the first time, Ronnie was a normal guest at their daily band practices. She was the one to suggest they upload to YouTube more, and helped them decide which songs to play at their first gig.

With the gig coming up in a couple of days, everyone was getting excited in the Hood household.

“Hey, Ronnie is coming to the show, right?” The dark haired boy brings up as they’re all sitting in his family’s kitchen.

“She’s not even in Sydney anymore, Calum,” Ashton replied, deadpan.

“But she has to come! She’s like our mentor, and our biggest fan!”

“What about me??” His mother shouts from the adjoining living room.

“You don’t count, mom! Stop listening to our conversations!”

“Anyway, Ronnie is in Brisbane.”

After that Calum starts dialing their new friend, determined to get a yes. Which he does. Ronnie explains that she’s been in the same place too long. She even promises to bring along Holly for the band to meet.

“You’re finally gonna kiss this time, Ash. You have to!”

Leading up to the show, there was more and more talk of the EP they were going to record in a few weeks time. And then someone (Michael) brought up a move to somewhere better for musicians, like London. This idea was turned down by someone else (Luke) insisting that his parents would never ever let him go, especially because he was still in school.

The day of the gig was hectic and Ashton was extremely glad to have Ronnie there to centre him. The show didn’t have a great turnout but they had overcome the hurdle of playing live and that’s all that mattered. And maybe afterwards all 6 of the teenagers went back to Calums and stayed up way too late to be making good decisions and somehow Ronnie got it into her head that she’d stay in Sydney for a little longer. She had no urge to leave, even when her parents screamed at her over the phone for nonchalantly announcing that she’d be gone for some more time. She may have been running out of money but at least she didn’t need to stay in motels any more.

-

After recording and releasing the EP, something that was taken very well by the fans they had made through their online presence and admittedly shitty cover videos, the talk about London became more frequent and more serious.

-

Fast forward a couple of months and Ronnie (who was now way past disowned and acquired a working Visa for her extremely extended vacation) gets a call from a very loud and almost incoherent Ashton.

“We got the A-OK! We’re moving across the world!” There were a few more details to explain, like the fact that Luke’s mom, Liz, would be joining them to act as a guardian and teacher and that they got the most run down flat around, but they were going.

At those words, Ronnie’s heart sank. Her best friend was leaving her. And it was supposed to be the other way around. She’d gotten so used to their little clan and their life in Australia. Yeah, she knew about the plans but it seemed further down the road. Not now. Not in less than 2 weeks. What would she do? Would she just stay in Sydney by herself? Or should she pack it all in and go home, abandoning this adventure. It was just a couple days later that her questions even had hope for answers.

Michael of all people was the one to take Ronnie aside during her lunch break. He asked how she was feeling, since all the boys had been distant lately, planning and packing and the like. She said she was fine and excited for them. Pointedly not mentioning her own worry. Then Michael got to the point,

“So, how would you feel if I asked you right now to come with us. To London. As like, our guru. And roadie. And photographer and personal support group. We can’t do this without you. Seriously. I don’t know what you were planning to do when we went away, but you shouldn’t have to plan anything. You should come along.”

“What the fuck. What the actual fuck, Michael. Why?” Ronnie yelled, nearly punching him in the chest.

“I know, it’s crazy. I wanted to be the one to ask you because Ashton is weird and Luke is really shy and Calum thought we should just pack your bags for you and drag you to the airport.”

So she said yes. She called her parents once again, leaving a fleeting message with some words about England and a job and something about sending her love their way. She knew they deserved a better update, but maybe she was still trying to run away from something that happened back home. Maybe she’d never go home.

The night before they left, Ashton brought Ronnie to the park they went to back before it all went crazy.

“I’m really scared,” Ashton mumbles.

Ronnie doesn’t reply, she just grabs his hand in hers and digs her iPod out from her backpack. When they both have headphones in she puts on Paper Chase by The Academy Is… and just lets it sink in.

-

Airports visited on this trip: 3

Panicking boys at the airport: 3

-

It rained a lot in London. And it was really cold. And as much as Michael wanted to be happy, he was homesick. Sitting on the back stoop outside their flat and moping was what he did whenever he got the chance. Letting the chill sink into his bones until it was all he could focus on – so everything else would go away.

When Ronnie saw Michael get like this she couldn’t help but flashback to a younger version of herself, walking down to the beach at night with the excuse of stargazing but mostly wanting to be alone. But not actually wanting to be alone, just not having anyone around that was worth being around.

She went outside, softly closing the door behind her and sat beside her friend.

“What’s up, Mike?”

“Just sitting.”

“What are you thinking about?” Ronnie asks, hoping that would be enough to get to shivering boy to open up.

“It’s stupid,” he replies, tugging his sleeve further over his hands.

“I don’t care.” With that the boy finally turns towards Ronnie, and she sees how his eyes match the gloomy sky.

“It’s, I, uh, I’m homesick? Like I know I used to pretend that it wasn’t a big deal that my parents didn’t fuss over me but I guess it feels like a big deal now. They haven’t even called. I don’t know why I expected them to call, but some part of me hoped that actually being gone would trigger some kind of reaction from them for once. I’m homesick for a home that I’ve made up. I mostly miss how it used to be and now I know for sure that my life is never going to be like that again,” Michael drops his arms onto his lap, defeated.

“That makes a lot of sense, you know. It’s hard when you miss something even though you know you shouldn’t. Emotions are stupid like that,” Ronnie tries to comfort Michael, wrapping an arm around his worsening shivers.

“Do you ever feel like this? I feel it all the time and I don’t know how to stop it.”

“Yeah. You know, I had a really hard time in school as I’m sure you did too at some points. I never went to any school events and most days I ate lunch by myself in whichever secluded stairwell I could find. But for some reason I find myself looking back on those times, almost with rose-tinted glasses. I wish I could go back and relive those simpler times. I focus on the few good times I had, ignoring all the misery and loneliness. I think because I know I won’t have any more memories of school, I don’t wanna let it go. I can get hung up on all of the things I should have done to make my experience better but the truth is – I can’t do anything. It’s over and it’s never going to be like that ever again.”

“And I just have to accept that now.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s hard.”

“Yeah. But you’ve got a family here, too. We all really love you and would much rather you come to us for a cuddle instead of freezing your butt off out here all alone. Just saying.”

Michael knew she meant every word.

-

Things got progressively bigger and busier for the band, and Ronnie was along every step of the way. She’d like to think part of their growing popularity was because of the many, many mentions on her coveted blog, but it was probably the band themselves. They were really taking it seriously, and posting on social media as much as the possibly could.

Of course, they had plenty of free time (especially Ronnie, as her job was mostly made up) to explore their new home. Ashton and Ronnie would take turns finding a new park or coffee shop and drag the other there so they could properly catch up. Having the other 3 guys around all of the time was a ton of fun, but sometimes the both of them had to get away for a few hours.

“I wrote a song about you,”

“Why?”

“I wrote out a song that was in my head, and when I read it over I knew.”

“Well, what is it about?”

“You.”

“In what context, Ashton. Goodness gracious.”

“I think in a romantic context. Which is weird. I’ve never written like this. I’ve never felt like this.”

“Sorry?” Ronnie says, confused about the tone Ashton is using.

“You know, I always deny it when the guys ask if I like you. But they always say it in such a sexual way, so I’m not even lying when I say I don’t see you like that. I thought that meant I didn’t like-like you. But I do?”

Ashton doesn’t know how to word it. All his friends have been calling people ‘hot’ for as long as he can remember, but he never thought it was the appropriate word. They’d all make sex jokes and he’d play along sometimes, but he didn’t really get it. It was just another thing to add to the list of reasons why he didn’t relate to anyone in his hometown. As he got older, the people around him were getting into relationships and doing all of these things and couldn’t even imagine a circumstance where he’d feel comfortable doing any of it. He kept waiting for a day when suddenly he’d see someone and think of them as attractive in a way unrelated to their aesthetic or personality. But the day never came. Sometimes he thought he was simply scared to be that close to someone but then again he craved company. He wanted a significant other, to hug and talk to and be there for. He didn’t know how to explain that.

“So you’re romantically attracted to me, then?”

“Maybe?”

“You’re telling me you don’t find me sexually attractive, but you like-like me,” Ronnie offers.

“Yeah! But not in a bad way! Like, no offense? I don’t see anyone that way. So like, obviously this couldn’t work out because you’re probably normal and probably don’t even feel the same way back!” Ashton worries, putting his head in his hands.

“Hey,” Ronnie says softly, placing her head in Ashton’s lap in an effort to get him to look at her, “that’s ok. You know, being asexual is a thing. It’s totally valid to feel the way you feel. And you know what, I do like-like you.”

“But what if I change my mind?”

“So what? People change their minds all the time. It’s fine. If this is how you are right now, then this is how you are right now.”

“How do you always know what to say to make me feel better?”

“I don’t know. I just guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was all over the place I'm trying to get backstories for everyone while also furthering the plot and also i have no idea what i'm doing. heavenwithaheadache.tumblr.com is where i am if you're still reading this and wanna let me know


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moving along

**Ronnie (3:41pm): You didn’t write Heartbreak Girl about me, did you?**

Ashton (3:57pm): Lol, no? Why?

**Ronnie (3:58pm): Idk I’m just listening to it and trying to figure it out. I used to do this with all those bands I was super invested in, but I think it’s creepy and more exciting now that I can do it with your songs**

Ashton (4:00pm): Of all the songs I could write about you, that would definitely not be one. I’m not Calum. That dude tries to be so philosophical and he doesn’t realize that using the term ‘friend zone’ really rubs people the wrong way

**Ronnie (4:00pm): Why are you releasing it, then?**

Ashton (4:03pm): Because it’s catchy and because it’s kinda cute if you don’t look too closely

**Ronnie (4:05pm): Are you saying that your fans are stupid?**

Ashton (4:06pm): Where even are you? Why are we texting? I’d much rather have this feminist conversation in person. I think I come across bad via text

**Ronnie (4:10pm): I’m out! Doing blogger things, like analyzing music and writing and being an independent person!!!!!!**

Ashton (4:12pm): OK! Anyway, Calum just came in and said Heartbreak Girl is way less problematic than it could have been. He says he’s gonna fight for Just Saying to be released as well

**Ronnie (4:15pm): At least that one has somewhat of a jokey tone – even if it’s essentially the same song!!! Tell Calum to go back to his Gotta Get Out days, those were good**

Ashton (4:16pm): You weren’t even around for that!

**Ronnie (4:17pm): Yeah, well, neither were you.**

**Ronnie (4:21pm): I gotta get back to work, be back to the flat later**

**\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

And so it went. The boys recorded songs and Ronnie bummed around London most days. Some days they’d hang out together and discuss “business” stuff but mostly it was writing and playing (90% instruments, 10% video games) (ok, maybe 25% video games).

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Ronnie (12:45pm): SHE WROTE ME A LETTER FROM SAN DIEGO TO QUIALIFY HER LUCK**

Ashton (12:49pm): What?

**Ronnie (12:50pm): THESE FLIGHTS CONNECT THROUGH ARIZONA BUT I THINK I’LL STAY STUCK**

Ashton (12:51pm): And also, what?

**Ronnie (12:51pm): SO HERE I AM**

**Ronnie (12:52pm): HERE I AM WOAH**

Ashton (1:00pm): U ok?

**Ronnie (1:01pm): I’m bored!!!!! Also, what kind of uncultured buffoon doesn’t know Something Corporate?**

Ashton (1:04pm): Soz??

**Ronnie (1:05pm): Can we hang out?**

Ashton (1:11pm): But band stuff?

**Ronnie (1:12pm): But taking a break could reset your brain so you wouldn’t have such bad writer’s block**

Ashton (1:14pm): Who said I had writer’s block?

**Ronnie (1:15pm): I found a scrap of paper with just “Google what rhymes with London” on it**

Ashton (1:16pm): You got me there

**Ronnie (1:17pm): COME HANG OUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT WE NEVER HANG OUT**

Ashton (1:20pm): We live together

**Ronnie (1:21pm): But you spend all your time with those bandmates of yours. I feel neglected. I’m so insecure. Don’t know what for. I turn heads when I walk through the door…….**

Ashton (1:22pm): YOU’RE RIDICULOUS. I’M COMING. WHERE ARE YOU. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I didn’t peg you for a One Direction fan, Ronnie. I’ll be honest,” is what Ashton said when he walked into the café Ronnie had told him to find.

“I can appreciate all good music. And it just so happens that those good looking fellas make good music.”

“You have a crush on them. Who’s your favourite? Are you a Zayn girl? Or are you more into Liam’s swoopy hair???” He joked.

“Excuse me, but I can like them without wanting to bed them! Don’t degrade me like that!” Ronnie argued, “…but if you must know, I’m more of a Niall girl.”

“So if I told you that there was word of us maybe possibly touring with a certain boyband with a certain Irish member, you’d say….”

“WHAT THE FUCK” Ronnie screamed, receiving glares from all the others in the café, including the employees, “uh, sorry. Didn’t mean to yell. Or swear I guess.”

“She’s a loose cannon!!!!” Ashton said, grabbing their bags and leading Ronnie out.

After they’re a safe distance away, Ashton continues, “so as I was saying, we might do a few shows opening for One Direction.”

“That’s absurd! You guys have only released a couple songs, what would you even play?”

“The exact reason that it hasn’t been finalized. It’s all hush hush, so like, don’t go blogging about it by the way.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week or so later, everything apparently did get finalized and it was for real, made sneakily public by @Louis_Tomlinson tweeting a link to one of their covers. Ronnie was losing her marbles. First, she couldn’t believe any of the guys possibly kept that kind of news a secret from her, second, that she might get to meet One Direction, and third, she knew her life was about to change. In what way, she didn’t know yet.

She didn’t know what would happen to her once her boys got their big break. Would they keep her around as a pity employee? She didn’t really have any skills that could help them. Would they leave her here in London? Would she have to go back to Canada? A tiny part of her hoped that she could just tag along on the tour, and then for the rest of their career, as some kind of paid groupee. But she knew that made no sense. They were getting to be a real band and they didn’t need her to take pictures for their Facebook page, or bring merch to the post office. They would probably get signed, and then those mundane jobs would get taken by label employees that didn’t even care. She cared!

It was a few days later when Ronnie’s fate was finalized.

She was looking for her notebook when she heard Ashton’s door slam. She immediately scurried to his room, and knocked softly.

“Go away.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Oh, Ronnie. Come in then I guess.”

When she walked in and saw her friend’s face, she knew something more than just a band disagreement was wrong. She sat down on the floor beside Ashton’s bed, taking out her headphones and offering one to him.

“No, I don’t think The Wonder Years will fix this one, honestly.” Ashton said, moving from his sitting position to lay down on the bed.

Ronnie was worried. All she could ever offer to console people was angry and/or sad music.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just mad.”

“At what?”

“It’s more of a who”

“Well, who? Did something happen with management? Was it one of the guys?”

“No, well, kinda. But no.”

“I don’t understand, Ash,” he looked over at her then, with tears in his eyes, “it’s me,” he responded. She climbed into the bed then, worry growing worse.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. It’s just, like, everything is happening.”

“Yeah, the band is going so well! And you’re getting more attention!”

“Exactly! And there’s so much more pressure! I have to please all of these people, and I haven’t fucking written anything good in weeks. And management is really chill, but they also have so many big plans. It’s overwhelming. And I kinda fought with them. And I’m just angry with myself. And I had so many pent up emotions.”

“What did you fight about?”

“Well, you.”

“What? Why would you be talking about me in the first place?”

“They think we only keep you around because I like you. They don’t want you to come on tour. I said that we wanted you to write for us, with us. It’s not like that! You’re extremely talented, even if you don’t think so. And you help us out so much. They don’t see that. But we do. I do.”

“Ash, you don’t have to put yourself on the line for me, I’ll be fine! You don’t need me around, I’m sure there are a million people that would love to tour with you! And writing? What kind of writing would I possibly do?”

“Songs! I know I shouldn’t have, but I looked in your notebook, mostly just to see what kind of stuff you write down and you write songs! You’re our little music guru, and we need that. I don’t wanna pressure you into staying with us if you don’t want to, but we’d love it.”

“Anyways, all of that aside, what caused you to slam the door?” he rolled over, now facing away from Ronnie, “Ash?”

“I did something stupid. Bad. Bad and stupid.”

“Don’t tell me you..”

“Yeah.”

“Aw, Ash, you were doing so well. Why now?”

“I don’t know. I thought it would help. I had forgotten what it felt like and I convinced myself I was so much better off when I was cutting. I’m so fucking mad at myself. I hate letting you and everyone else down.”

“You are so much better than that, hun. You can’t, you just, you are so beautiful and loved and talented. More importantly, I’m not mad. You’re doing the best that you can. You’re doing the best that you can.” Ronnie says, comforting Ashton by running her fingers through his hair, “just once? Just today?”

“No.”

“I should have known,” Ronnie mumbles, thinking of any signs she missed. Making a note to be better next time.

“I did my best to keep you from finding out. I didn’t even think you were home right now. I wouldn’t have slammed the door.”

“Do the guys know?”

“No.”

…

“Have you changed your mind about listening to The Wonder Years?”

“I love you, Ronnie.”

“Love you too, Ash. Everything will be fine. We’ll figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we want to happen? What do we think will happen? Y'all don't even know where I could take this. Find me at heavenwithaheadache.tumblr.com xo


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!! This one is a little different, but I just felt like writing it so.... I did?

Luke had always liked Michael. Even before they were friends. Even when Michael supposedly hated him. He was cute and he wore his hair the same way Luke did and he liked the same music, and when you’re 13 years old, that’s all that really matters. Luke was never good at telling people how he felt, though. They had kissed once, when Michael got drunk at a stupid party but the younger boy doubted he even remembered. He did his best – always cuddling closest to Michael, always going to Michael’s room when he couldn’t sleep. Always offering to share rooms or beds with Michael if need be.

Michael loved Luke right back. Since before they were friends. Even when he pretended to hate Luke, he loved Luke. He loved how Luke could comfort him without even knowing Michael needed comforting. He loved that Luke made him take advantage of sunny days. He loved his gangly legs. He cherished the times when one of them began to feel insecure in their stupid growing bodies, because it always ended in cuddles and hot chocolate. Even if he wished Luke wasn’t so insecure. And though he’d hang at Calum’s to avoid being home with/without his parents most days, it was Luke’s house that he’d escape to at night. Sometimes they’d just lay on his bed and listen to music, sometimes they’d lay in his backyard and Michael would act like he wasn’t about to cry and Luke would just keep talking because he didn’t want Michael to cry. For a while, Luke kept trying to convince Michael to bring his homework to his house (the younger boy knew it wouldn’t get done otherwise) but he never did. He said it would ruin the vibe. To that, Luke would always say, “what vibe?” and Michael would _always_ laugh and say, “of angst. Of teenage rebellion!!”

The day they finally stopped being oblivious to the other’s feelings was a Tuesday. It was raining, which prompted Ashton and Ronnie to go gallivanting through puddles, Liz to go wonder through some museum, and Calum to go to the gym. That left Luke and Michael to be in their home alone for the first time in forever. Naturally, they migrated to the couch to watch cutesy movies together, which led to them talking about relationships which led to Michael saying that he was probably bisexual, which led Luke to blurt out that he was gay which led to Michael crying and telling Luke he loved him. It was very messy and dramatic but they finally had a kiss that both of them would remember. Nobody else really cared much that they had gotten together, in fact, Ronnie had thought they’d already figured that part out ages before they did.

Luke was the quiet in Michael’s loudness. And Luke was open-armed when Michael was quiet. Michael was there to make Luke laugh when he got upset over his mother being clingy. Michael was there to cuddle the younger boy when their whole world got too much for him. It was a good relationship. And it inspired a lot of songs (Luke wrote I’ve Got This Friend, Michael wrote Social Casualty [and English Love Affair mostly as a joke], Ashton wrote Never Be after overhearing one of their conversations, and Calum wrote “fuck you guys” on a napkin that he taped to their bedroom door).

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kinda short and originally it was part of a way bigger chapter but it kinda stands alone from the rest of that. Also I'm thinking 1 or 2 more chapters (I've already got the last one written and I haven't decided if I'm gonna write something to go before it) ???? Anyways I'm at heavenwithaheadache.tumblr.com if you wanna talk/see pretty pictures/know things about me


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter y'all!!!!!!!!!! #confirmed

She was fading away. She hadn’t excitedly burst into Ashton’s room with a new song discovery in weeks. They were 2 weeks into the tour and it was like Ronnie forgot to pack her smile in her suitcase. She wasn’t joining the band on any of their outings and sometimes she wouldn’t even leave the green room to watch the boys play. Looking at her turn into this shadow, Ashton worried that maybe he’d lost her.

When he approached her one morning, sitting alone in the tour bus staring at her cereal she just said, “it’s the weather. I’ll be fine by April,” as if that was supposed to be good enough. Ronnie didn’t realize she was acting unusual. It was winter and all she wanted to do was lay in her bunk and listen to old My Chemical Romance albums. She always dedicated at least one month of the year to wallowing – in Canada it got colder sooner, so she usually chose November, but February was probably coldest in England. Ashton did his best to bring her tea and pick out mellow indie flicks when he could, but he didn’t really know how else to help. He’d tried to ask how she was feeling but she said she wasn’t feeling anything, she was just being. He was unsure if that was a comfort to hear or something he should worry about.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ronnie didn’t know how Ashton did it, but he always found the coolest spots for them to hang out. Granted, she was always the one that found cool restaurants and shops and music but this was different.

It was finally April, and what Ronnie said way back on that bleak February day turned out to be true. She really did get her spark back when things started to defrost. The flowers were beginning to bloom and so was she.

They were back in London for a bunch of dates, so they got to stay at the band house. One night, Ashton made them rent bikes to go on one of his adventures. They ended up in a really stunning neighbourhood just after sunset - Ronnie complained the whole time, yelling about how much she hated biking and physical activity – and Ashton brought her to what looked like a run-down hotel.

“It’s abandoned! Isn’t it weird, in a bustling city like London that they’d just leave this here?” Ronnie didn’t even question how he’d found out about this place, he had his ways.

He led her to the side of the building, and then started climbing up a rickety fire escape, “you want me to trust that?” she shouted from the ground.

“It’s fine! C’mon, you’re gonna love this!” he yelled back, continuing to climb towards the roof, and for some reason, she did.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luke and Michael had a date that night, too. They went bowling. It was just mundane and typical enough to be fun for the both of them, and they did things like this most times when they went out. It’s not like either of them could drink anyways.

Their dates usually ended with a very romantic tube journey and kissing on the front steps of their house, as though they didn’t live together. They were too much.

It must be said that while Calum was the only single person in their group, he was not the kind of person that would get upset about that. He liked going out and meeting new people or even just having alone time while the couples went out and did couple-y things. It was a break from the usually loud and energetic place their house tended to be. Everyone needed a little quiet time.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they reached the top of the abandoned building, there weren’t candles lit and rose petals strewn all over, but there were two old camping chairs and Ronnie thought that was probably better. She wouldn’t have known what to do if Ashton did that sort of cheesy gesture.

“So, what are we doing up here?”

“Well, I’m hoping that we’ve come far enough from central London to be able to see the stars.”

“But I thought Harry Styles lived on the North side?”

Ashton laughed, like he always did when Ronnie made a stupid joke, “ah yes. Sorry. Not those kinds of stars. But maybe next time we play a show I’ll be able to hook you two up.”

“Oh, he’s not my type.”

“You sure? You talk about him all the time,” Ashton said, wringing his hands together.

“Are you jealous? Is that what I’m getting right now?”

“No! I just don’t wanna lose my favourite assistant/writer/hype girl to another band!”

“I would never! You know you’re my guy. I’d take you over Harry Styles any day. Although I’m sure he’s nice.”

“Good. Because I don’t think you’re his type, either.”

“Does he play for the other team? Is he taken? Tell me ALL the gossip, please!”

“Yeah, sure. As if I know anything.”

“Shhhhhhh I think the stars are coming out.”

“They’re not the only ones that gotta come out…”

“ASHTON!!!” Ronnie says, throwing her arms in the air.

“Soz. I do know some things, I guess.”

“Look! The big dipper!” and at that moment, Ashton could finally understand the quote, ‘she was pointing at the moon but I was staring at her hand,’ because Ronnie was shining brighter than any of those stars. Even if they were in a rural area and the stars were probably the brightest he’d seen since Australia. She was glowing. She did this sometimes, when she got excited. It’s like her typical exterior of anxiousness and hesitation faded away. Her planet lost it’s atmosphere, and you could clearly see everything below. Like she forgot that she cared what people thought, she forgot to second-guess herself because she was caught up in happiness. Ashton hadn’t seen her like that in a while, that’s part of the reason he’d brought her here. He knew she had this fascination with stars and space. Sometimes he worried she’d rather be out there than down here on Earth with him. She was a message in a bottle, currently out at sea. She hadn’t reached where she wanted to be, yet. That’s why she couldn’t settle or let anyone know what she was thinking.

Ronnie was the stars, she was her own planet, she was Ashton’s sun. She was everything. Ashton had sang “She’s So High” to her one night, quietly, because he’d felt like she was unreachable. She was that constellation John Green talked about, the one that hadn’t yet been arranged. He wondered if she was still a young star, or if she was about to burn up at any moment. He hoped she never burned herself out. Looking at her look up at the sky was like looking at a parent with a newborn child. It was like how she’d described seeing him on stage. She was in her element, she couldn’t stop smiling. She looked like she could just float away.

“Alright?”

“Yeah! Thank you so much for bringing me out here. I just wish I’d brushed up on my knowledge so I could point things out to you!” Ronnie said after a moment, like she had to take a second to drag herself away from the sky.

“I like not knowing. I can make stuff up.”

“You know, I think I want my first tattoo to be a star. Definitely something space-related.”

Of course she did, Ashton thought. The girl that sat in front of him wanted to be everywhere. She’d probably tattoo mountains and oceans and clouds on herself, too. She was in awe of everything the universe put in front of her. And he was just in awe of her.

After a while, Ronnie came back down from the sky, “so, what’s next?”

“Tonight? I was thinking catching a cab home because it’s a bit dark to be bike riding in an unfamiliar place,”

“I meant for us. The band.”

“Oh. Well, we’re hoping to have a single out by the time we go to the U.S. and other than that, we’re just hoping everything falls into place. It’s our first proper tour and it’s mind-boggling that we’re playing arenas so we are kinda not talking about it. We’re trying to act like we’re just playing normal shows so we don’t get too freaked out when we're on stage.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“And for us? I’m hoping I can somehow research every city we’re going to so I can find at least one cool thing to see or do or consume while we’re there.”

To that Ronnie smiles and then pauses before asking, “do you think your fans hate me?”

“Of course not! Why would you think that? You don’t think that, do you?”

“Well, they’re mostly young girls that wanna get in your pants and I kinda look like I might get in the way of that.”

“First, my preferences will definitely get in the way of that. Also, anyone that doesn’t absolutely adore you clearly doesn’t know you. And it doesn’t matter what strangers think.”

“I mean, I guess you’re right. I just can’t help but think about that stuff.”

Ashton worried about all of the thoughts that Ronnie bottled up. He just wanted to move his chair closer to hers and rest his head on her shoulder and offer all his support for whatever was going on in her head. But sometimes she was the Earth, surrounded in thick layers of atmosphere, making it hard to see what was underneath. He hoped she wasn’t just a shooting star, coming out of nowhere and beautiful while it lasted but gone before he knew. He could only compare her to nature. He could only think of her as something bigger than a person. She had galaxies inside of her, black holes, and solar systems. There was so much more to her than a pretty smile and a hand to hold. Maybe Ashton would have to take some courses in astronomy before he could figure her out.

They got a cab and Ronnie fell asleep on Ashton’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about all the random talk about stars and space and stuff. I was just feeling some type of way in turn, wrote Ashton as feeling the same type of way. I hope you're liking this I guess? See you in a bit when I post the final chapter, until then (if you miss me) I'm always on heavenwithaheadache.tumblr.com


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the final chapter!!!!! What the fuck!!!

It’s kinda funny that the relationship that sparked the most inspiration was the non-relationship, though. All 4 of the band members, and Ronnie herself, found their muse in everything that was Ronnie and Ashton. Long Way Home was written way back when they were making their way to Sydney, before it all started. She Looks So Perfect was written by Ashton over a year later, in California, after it all happened. After the first One Direction tour, after he had to leave Ronnie back in Canada, after they figured out how to get back together. And in between, Beside You, Wherever You Are, and Close As Strangers (being away from each other was hard, OK?) were written. Disconnected was a really good day off from touring. End Up Here was how they’d met in an alternate universe. Their whole relationship was documented in song form. And there were tons more lyrics and songs that they kept for themselves. They started off this whole thing making playlists and somehow their detour turned into their life which turned out to be the soundtrack to other people’s lives. And they couldn’t be happier. Music was the beginning of everything.

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There was a turning point, a point where Ronnie realized that Ashton was probably her person. She’d never really had anyone like him in her life, which was her excuse for not clueing in that she was, uh, in love with him. And Ashton had known for a while. After telling Ronnie that he like-liked her that one day in that one park. Nothing came without struggle though, even after they both got their shit together and told the other how they felt. Ronnie was unsure of herself, as always, and doubted that she was enough for Ashton.

The night she broke down and told Ashton that she suffered from anxiety and depression and had been on medication for it since the 11th grade, she thought Ashton would leave. Not because Ashton seemed like the kind of person that would do that, but because she felt like she’d lied to him. She’d always tried to help him and the other guys and encouraged them to open up to her. But she never returned that to anyone. Nobody really knew anything about her, except the surface stuff.

They didn’t know that she’d never had a best friend until she met Holly, and Holly lived across the world. They didn’t know that despite kinda telling Ashton she couldn’t relate completely, she actually did struggle with self-harm. She didn’t tell anyone that the reason she went to Australia was because her parents doubted she’d ever be strong enough to move out and she did it to spite them. She didn’t even tell Ashton that her parents were divorced and that her mother had barely even tried to contact her – though, she did tell Michael once when he had gotten homesick again – and she was really hurt by it. Ashton didn’t leave. He was surprised that Ronnie had been able to keep such a façade, yeah. He was upset that maybe Ronnie didn’t trust him enough to tell him things, but he understood.

Ashton went through a really rocky period, when they were in America for the Take Me Home tour and Ronnie was considering going home. He didn’t think she’d ever come back to him. He was insecure that he could never really give her a full relationship. He was constantly terrified that she’d cheat on him. He couldn’t make himself believe that she was truly happy with him when he was only comfortable going as far as kissing. And on a few occasions he ended up in his bunk with a few new cuts on his thighs and the word “broken” echoing in his mind. No matter how many times Ronnie (and Luke and Calum and Michael, once he told them) stressed that he wasn’t broken and that everyone loved him just as he was, he felt like he was missing out on something huge.

So yeah, there were times when smiles were faked. There were times when Ronnie felt really lost in her life, and Ashton couldn’t make it better. There were times when Ronnie couldn’t get out of bed and do her job, and everyone learned to accept that. And a lot of those really low points turned into really good songs, some for 5sos and some for other bands that Ronnie worked for. There were times when Ashton didn’t want to talk to anyone. That inspired songs, too. It was all ok, overall.

And yeah, the details of the time they were apart – Ronnie in Canada and Ashton going between the UK and the USA – are pivotal to their love story. They didn’t have a conventional “dating period” they practically went straight from strangers to roomates, so they weren’t sure how being apart would affect them as a couple and as individuals.

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At first, it was all Skype calls and getting distracted by their hectic lives. Ronnie was trying to fix her relationship with her parents, Ashton was trying to write an album. But then came the loneliness. The doubts. This time it was Ronnie that needed a friend and Ashton was busy, always. And then the time difference started to be an issue, and during a low point they went without contact for a whole week. But then the band was in New York City. And they had never made an exact plan as to when Ronnie would rejoin their clan, deciding to go with the flow. She was having a terrible time at home and one night she took all her stuff and her old car and started driving. At first, she was just going to go down to the beach and get a milkshake and let the waves calm her down. Then, she came to the conclusion that she was old enough to cut bad people out of her life. Yeah, she wasn’t ever going to be able to completely stop talking to her family, especially when they still didn’t really know how much they were hurting her. They wouldn’t understand and though she wished she didn’t care about other people’s well-being above her own, she did. But she did not have to stay here and get back into that old, toxic mindset that “home” gave her. She got fries and another milkshake to go, and just left. She knew New York was kinda far. She knew that’s where she had to be.

Ashton had made her a playlist before she left, and she had it on repeat the entire night and into the morning, as she drove to the city. It was the first mix he’d made her, so she cherished it. She was so used to being the one giving the music recommendations and giving the playlists and she never asked for anything in return, though it was nice to finally be able to put a CD into her car and not know which song would come on next but know that someone had carefully chosen them all for her, for whatever reason.

She was in Newark when Maps came on for the 17th time, and it fucking broke her. It was The Fray’s cover, which was her favourite. And it didn’t really affect her much the first 16 times but damn, that 17th one was different. It was like Ashton was there with her again, and they were back in Nowhere, Australia, singing at the top of their lungs. She really missed him. She needed him there. She hadn’t even thought about calling him to tell him she was on her way until then, which was stupid. He could be busy, he could be on his way somewhere else.

He picked up on the second ring, “hey! Ronnie, how are you? I miss you!”

“I’m an hour out of NYC, Ash.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming, is everything alright? Did you drive all that way?”

“Is there any way you could like, come find me? I’m sorry to bother you, I just don’t wanna drive anymore and every song on your playlist is making me cry and can you please meet me somewhere?”

Ronnie can hear rustling and hushed voices on Ashton’s end before she gets the reply, “of course, always. I’d always come find you. It’s no bother, where exactly are you?”

“Are you sure I’m not interrupting anything?”

“It’s fine, I’m coming. Can you send me your GPS location or whatever? I’m leaving now.”

“Thanks, Ash. Love you.”

“Be there soon, love you too.”

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Ashton finds Ronnie in a Walmart parking lot in suburban New Jersey, sipping a Coke hanging off the tailgate of an unfamiliar car. She looked like summer. She looked peaceful, and Ashton wanted to believe that she was, but he knew better.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sorry that I made you drive out here.”

“What happened?”

“Maps came on.”

“And?”

“Everything started to feel really shitty and horrible and I started to feel like I was making the wrong decision.”

“What happened to make you drive this far, presumably through the night?”

“I ran away? I didn’t wanna be at home anymore. It’s not even home,” Ronnie scoffs, setting her cup down, “like, I know I try to go by the motto of eliminating bad vibes from your life, but it’s so hard. It’s so damn hard when it’s your family. You family is supposed to be the one thing you can count on! They never ‘got’ me, you know? Never. And I just thought maybe if I did this, said this, accomplished this, that they’d suddenly start being the accepting and comforting people I wanted them to be.”

“But they didn’t change.”

“Nope,” Ronnie laughs, looking up, “they didn’t change.”

Even in all of this mess, Ronnie couldn’t help but be so in love with Ashton. For asking the right questions, for driving out here, for being her best friend.

They got back into the car, Ashton in the driver’s seat and Ronnie with her head in her hands. Ashton turned on the radio and Over My Head (Cable Car) was playing. Ronnie punched the dashboard, “of course,” she yelled, bursting into tears.

Ashton didn’t know what to do, so he changed the channel and grabbed Ronnie’s hand.

“It’s ok. You’re doing what’s best for you. You’re doing the best that you can,” Ashton hummed. Those were words Ronnie had repeated to him countless times over the course of the past year, and they felt right in this moment, “you’re doing the best that you can, love.”

“Yeah. I am. Fuck ‘em, right? Fuck them.”

“You wanna go to New York City?”

She wiped her tears.

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go to New York City,” and they were off. Of course, after a few more minutes listening to the radio, Ronnie switched back to Ashton’s playlist. The songs didn’t make her cry this time, though.

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And so it went, falling apart and then putting themselves back together. Mostly, they had a good time. Ronnie followed the band on the road most of the time, while writing for different bands on the side. She kept writing her blog – refusing to go corporate or fancy when managements and the like approached her – just with a few more viewers. Ashton and the guys did the same, deciding to stay true to themselves instead of doing anything they were offered. They all got to see the world together, they got to be overwhelmed together, they got to celebrate together. And they wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Ronnie and Ash took the good with the bad, took breaks, went to more parks, tried to reach out to more people like them. They learned to love themselves and each other and the world, all with some fricken good music playing in the background.

The biggest thing was that eventually, they had stopped running away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so baffled that I managed to follow through with a story. At times I completely abandoned this but I kept coming back and now it's complete! I didn't know how to end it originally but I wrote this (esp. the last line) and I just thought 'yep, those are ending words'. Anyway if anyone actually got this far: 1) why? 2) THANK YOU. SERIOUSLY. and 3) i really hope you enjoyed this mildly. or even if you didn't completely hate it. if you felt any positive emotion about this i love you dearly. talk to me on heavenwithaheadache.tumblr.com or in the comments to tell me what you thought and idk maybe one day i'll write a sequel and/or the muke backstory xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxx


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